Anger Management: Learn to Calm Down

Take a few deep breaths. Slow, deep breathing helps decrease physical tension. Breathe slowly, deeply with your stomach and fill your lungs with air as much as possible.

Exercise, get tired! You have to do a minimum of exercise so that you feel a little tired. This will increase your natural calming and euphoric endorphin level, and you can get into the situation with a cool head. If you do not feel tired after your exercise but only physiological activation, start again because you will probably increase the production of adrenaline, a natural stimulant, but not the production of endorphin (requiring a relatively long effort), which may not help you maintain your calm.

Stretch or massage areas of tension. Roll your shoulders if they are stretched, or gently massage your neck or your head or your face.

Count slowly to 10. Center your attention on the count. If you’re still very angry when you’re done, you can start over.

Put it into perspective.

When you start to get frustrated with a situation, take a moment to think about it. ask yourself:

  • How important is it really?
  • Is it worth it to get angry?
  • Is there anything I can do?
  • Is engaging in problem-solving or anger actions worth spending time on?

Practice empathy and compassion

With each sentence of your interlocutor, you prepare to respond to advance a new argument. You listen to the sentences, interpret the intensions … you are in words and not in the relationship. You consider your interlocutor less as a person than as a problem to be resolved: to be right.

Have you ever felt like a problem someone had to solve? An unpleasant problem, which creates tensions, which is irritating. What did you do? In such a situation, at the height of the discussion, stop solving the problem of “someone disagrees with me” and start to observe this person who says his opinion, who finds arguments to defend it, which, like you, put aside the relation for the good of this idea.

Calm down physically

  • Use physical relaxation techniques: breathe slowly and deeply and focus on your breathing
  • Contract and relax small muscle groups: hands, legs, glutes, and toes
  • Repeat a mantra that helps you stay in control and be confident. For example: “calm down, you will get there! You are doing very well!”
  • Practice imagery techniques using your imagination or memory to visualize a quiet place or situation.

It is natural to feel, express, and release your anger. However, there are appropriate ways to do this, and this is where anger management comes in. You will understand your anger issues better if you know what triggers it: this will allow you to create a plan to minimize the frustration and anger in your life.